Betsy vs Marjorie

Yes, this is yet another post where I claim I’m going to lose weight, be happy, etc, rinse and repeat.

The thing is, my depression has been so debilitating recently that even brushing my hair was too much, going in the shower sounded like an ordeal and just getting through the day was way too much to ask of me, quite frankly.

It is now less than 18 months until I hit 40, and I’m not getting any younger, literally. The thought of getting older paralyses me with anxiety and not a day goes by where I don’t suddenly remember that a) I’m going to die one day, b) I don’t know how and c) I don’t know when. These three facts then cause me to have a panic and I find it hard to focus on what I’m doing at the time.

Now, for someone so angsty about dying, you think I’d be some world expert in being healthy and staying alive as long as possible. You’d be wrong. One of the ‘lovely’ things about having depression is the total apathy you actually get about real things like “I should do more exercise so I’ll stay healthy, but… I can’t be bothered moving from my desk chair for five hours straight”. So I fluctuate between panicking that I’m not healthy enough and should do something to prolong my life, and then across to “meh, who cares?” It’s like having two warring personalities, each fighting for dominance.

Right now, the personality who wants to live as long as possible (we’ll call her Betsy – literally the first name that came to mind that I don’t know) is in control. I was eating pizza earlier and I thought to myself, “I don’t want to be fat anymore.” And that was that; the decision had been made. The depressed personality, lets call her Marjorie, is totally dormant right now.

I really hope I get to stay “Betsy” for as long as possible; she’s the fun part of me, the one who wants to live and enjoy things. Let’s see how long she lasts.

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Amy’s amazing health story

I was catching up with my YouTube subscriptions and I spotted a really helpful video that I thought I would share, in case anyone finds it interesting.

Amy was told when she was 16 that, due to osteoporosis, she would likely need a wheelchair full-time by the time she was 25. Last year, when she was 19, she decided to become vegan, and after only a few months, she was able to go back to work, where previously she had been off work sick. Also, when she saw doctors about 6 months ago, they said she wouldn’t need a wheelchair until she was at least 60.

I’m so pleased for her! Being told such devastating news at a young age must have been so hard, but it’s great that through changing her diet to vegan, she’s managed to improve her health and her life so much!

I’m not here to try and convert anyone, I just wanted to share in case this was useful, plus with all of the doom and gloom in the news, it’s nice to see a happy story  🙂

An existential crisis

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why

I’ve always loved that quote. Though, at the ripe old age of 37, I’m still waiting for my “why” to present itself to me. I have been in full time employment since I was 17, and none of the permanent jobs that I’ve ever had have been real “Yes! This is what I want to do for the rest of my life! jobs”.

I’ve had a few public sector temp jobs that were close, but sadly the opportunity to stay on permanently wasn’t an option. So, what to do? I’m hoping to find out one day but like Diana Ross, I’m still waiting 😦

So hello 2015!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had a lovely Christmas 🙂

It’s time for me to get back on the Slimming World wagon, and I really mean it this time! I was 16st 10lbs (234lbs) over Christmas, but as of this morning I am 16st 8lbs (232lbs), so a nice 2lbs loss before I really get going on the plan.

I took the below photo in the toilets (classy, I know!) at my work’s Christmas do on Friday 12th December 2014. My goal weight to get to is 12st by Saturday 12th December 2015. With the help of Slimming World, I will do this. I can’t wait to be skinnier by Christmas!

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Yoga benefits

Yoga is something I’ve always been interested in, but I’ve never actually gotten around to it. I love this infographic that Tracy Johnson shared on Twitter all about the benefits of yoga. I have added it to my list of resolutions for 2015 and I’m looking forward to getting started 🙂

BMI calculator

In line with trying to organise my diet and eating healthy, I have been taking a look at my BMI (as scary as that is!). I have found a useful BMI calculator which also advises what calorie range you should be eating in.

Opening screen
Exercise

ResultsNow, I will admit that I don’t do any exercise at all, and I live in a bungalow so I get even less exercise at home than people with stairs!

I like how it’s given me the “recommended daily calorie intake” and as I lose weight and re-calculate my BMI, the calorie range changes, so I can keep an eye out that I’m not going over or under my calories. It’s clever!

You can find the BMI calculator here:
http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Healthyweightcalculator.aspx