So many times I have felt like a passenger in my own life. Like someone else was in charge of the driving, and I was a hapless victim, waiting to find out where we are going and feeling ambivalent about it all. I have started to realise recently that I may not be able to influence the big things in life like health issues, money issues, etc, but I actually do have some small amount of control in certain areas of my life, and it’s on those areas that I am now going to focus 🙂
I saw this quote online just now and I really related to it. I am really badly socially awkward and struggle to have anything in common with most girls, as I don’t dress particularly girlie and I rarely wear make up. I’m not really a girlie girl and growing up I was more of a tomboy. Also, I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, which means that my body has more testosterone than oestrogen and has left me with a stocky overweight body for most of my life.
When I was in my 20’s, I really REALLY wanted to be an FHM Magazine High Street Honey. That, to me, was the epitome of social acceptance; FHM had agreed that you had an attractive face and body, and had included you in their annual honey list. As I got older, I still wanted to be a high street honey, and would scour the list, looking for which honey was the oldest; was I still in their age limit? I would never actively actually DO anything to become a “honey”, I just wished I could be one. Nowadays, I’m really grateful that I’m not “high street honey” beautiful. Imagine trying to pop to the shops for toilet roll and getting hit on by every man going.
It’s taken until I saw that quote just now to realise that I have finally learnt to embrace my “weirdness” and I feel so free. It’s such a shame that I have spent the last 26 years (since school started being more “dog eat dog” and “it matters what you look like”) trying to fit in with everyone else, rather than just being happy with the me that I’ve become. So, today has been a big day!